Why, After 6 Years of Celebrating, My Partner and I Are Boycotting Valentine’s Day

The most romantic way to celebrate? Doing absolutely nothing—let me convince you why.

February 13, 2025

For the past six years, my partner and I have tried to do Valentine’s Day “right”: We’ve gone all-in with thoughtful (yet costly) gifts, overpriced dinners booked weeks in advance, and couples massages that felt like a forced attempt at relaxation. Essentially, all the hoopla that, while never quite us, seemed like what we were supposed to do as a committed couple. But this year, we’re ditching it all and we’re celebrating our romance the way we do all other 364 days: with no plans.

The whole anti-Valentine’s Day schtick might sound overplayed. But before you write us off as two bitter cynics too lazy or coldhearted to make an effort, hear me out: Deep down, I’m a hopeless romantic. I adore sentimental surprises and any excuse to remind my partner how much he means to me. And there is something magical about setting aside one day just to appreciate your loved ones with cute, over-the-top clichés.

But as my friends excitedly mapped out their elaborate February plans this year, I couldn’t help but wonder why the thought of making my own filled me with dread—and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s feeling fatigued. For many of us, what started as a sweet excuse to get extra affectionate with our SOs turned into an unspoken test of how well we could nail the perfect date.

If you ask me, part of the blame falls on good ol’ capitalism, which puts more focus on proving your love with your wallet—think lavish presents, exorbitant prix fixe dinners, and Instagrammable bouquets—than genuine, heartfelt moments. Not to mention, the pressure to go above and beyond on one designated, high-stakes day turns Valentine’s into more of an obligation than a joyful, authentic celebration.

While I’ve definitely leaned into the extravagance before, I can’t ignore that it often felt like a hollow performance—showing off to the world what I was doing, where I was eating, how much I was spending. Simply put, this holiday (intended to remind me of how loved I am) ended up making me feel the complete opposite: pressured, anxious, and oddly disconnected.

Maybe it’s also because I’ve realized my favorite moments of our relationship happen organically in the quiet, unfiltered parts of our life. Like when we randomly stumble into a no-name café and yap about everything and nothing, for instance; when we’re sprawled on the couch in sweats, streaming reruns of Love It or List It and scarfing down takeout straight from the container; or when he surprises me with Uber Eats or roses on a random Tuesday—just because he was thinking of me, not because some holiday is telling him to.

It’s these parts of our relationship—the unglamorous, non-performative ones—that have made me feel most connected in our six years together. Not the “fanciest” restaurants that don’t measure up to our true faves (Chipotle and Cheesecake Factory). Not the sappy social media posts featuring the very few photos we have together (especially since my partner barely even uses it). And definitely not Valentine’s Day, which is why we’re boycotting the holiday altogether—and I’m inviting you to consider doing the same.

I’m not suggesting we all dramatically curse the concept of romance and roll our eyes at every couple walking by. What I mean, rather, is that it’s worth taking a second to pause and reflect on whether these superficial, grand traditions are your idea of a good time. If you genuinely adore the red roses, the handwritten letters, and personalized playlists, then by all means, savor them. For others (myself included), however, the relentless hype represents a disconnect from what actually makes us feel loved.

On that note, boycotting Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to mean ignoring your partner, ditching romance, or doing literally nothing either. It’s more about swapping what you feel like you “should” do with how you actually want to spend your day. Not into formal, stuffy dinners? Book your usual spot (the one that never lets you down), even if it’s not “special” or “new” by traditional standards. Stay in and rent a movie after work instead of fighting for decent seats in a crowded theater. Or maybe you treat it like any other Friday and catch up with your separate friend groups —after all, you and your beau have Saturday and Sunday together, anyway.

The point is: This February 14, do what actually feels good to you (and don’t feel bad about it), whether that means celebrating in full force, skipping it entirely, or redefining it into something that actually excites you. As for me, I’m still not sure what my particular anti–Valentine’s Day will hold—but that’s exactly the point. For once, we’re just embracing the beauty of unplanned, unstructured fun (and I’ve never looked forward to anything more).