6 People Who Found Love Without Dating Apps Share How They Did It

A little inspiration for anyone who is so sick of swiping.

February 12, 2025

Image may contain Ball Basketball Basketball Sport Clothing and Hat

Dating apps can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, they connect you with a wider range of potential partners than you’d meet in your day-to-day life—but on the other, many people find them to be, well, demoralizing. The constant swiping, the convos that go nowhere, the cold feet, ghosting…. A person can only take so much.

If you’ve sworn off the apps, you might have resigned yourself to a lifetime of staying single. But even though it might feel like dating apps are the most viable way to meet someone these days, people are still finding romance, organically and successfully, out there in the real world.

Curious about how that happens, I asked a handful of people who met their SO without swiping right: If you didn’t use, say, Hinge or Bumble, how the heck did you find your person? Their answers aren’t exactly step-by-step guides, but they do offer a few takeaways—about showing up, shooting your shot, and the possibilities that exist beyond the algorithm. So whether you’re looking for tips or just need some hope that it’s not dire out there, here are some stories that might just change the way you think about meeting someone:

1. At a bar

Jamie P., a Philly-based comedian who jokes about dating in her act, started going to a bar in her neighborhood after her shows. Eventually, she became friends with the staff who worked there. One night, she mentioned she was going to a baseball game by herself the next day—and one of the bartenders said he’d go with her.

“The conversation was nothing flirty or date-like at all,” Jamie tells SELF. “I did not see him as a romantic option in the slightest and I believed he felt the same about me.” They went to the game together and, over the next year, became good friends. “Everyone around us assumed something romantic was happening, which we both truthfully denied,” she says.

But after a year, something switched for Jamie. She suddenly thought he’d be a great romantic partner—at least for someone. “So much so that I used to push him to date any of my single friends because I thought he was great,” she says. One night, he asked Jamie if she wanted to “ruin our friendship.” They did, and have been together ever since. “We unfortunately proved everyone right who thought we were dating the whole time. Everyone else saw it coming, but it was a nice surprise for me."

2. On Discord

Early in the pandemic, Francine S. first met her fiancé on the instant messaging platform Discord when she joined a politics server focused on world events like the BLM movement and COVID. Though he eventually left the server, it wasn’t long before the two reconnected: Francine posted on Reddit about a virtual event she was hosting, and lo and behold, her now fiancé happened to see and tune in. “My fiancé heard my voice for the first time and he decided to privately message me,” Francine tells SELF.

The two began chatting and, eventually, hopped on the phone a couple times. Francine learned they both lived near Toronto, and they discussed meeting up in person but couldn’t do so safely due to pandemic restrictions. When they were finally able to connect IRL for a first date, restaurants were still shut down, so they got take-out sushi in a parking lot—and that was enough to seal the deal. “We’ve been together ever since,” Francine says.

3. At an NFL watch party

Melanie N. joined the Philly Eagles Fans of Boston (PEFOB) group to watch games with fellow fans. She and a friend had plans to go to one of the group’s events in 2018, but her pal canceled at the last minute. A little worried, she went anyway. “I decided it would still be good to go to get myself out there and, if nothing else, watch the game,” Melanie tells SELF.

Given everyone’s vested interest in a win, she immediately felt comfortable with the group and found it super easy to strike up conversations with other fans. She had so much fun, in fact, that she decided to stick around after the game ended. “There was another game on that was tied in overtime, and that’s when Mike started chatting with me,” she says. “I couldn’t tell you what we talked about, but it felt like date conversation.”

That day, the two only exchanged names—but later that night she went on the group’s Facebook page, found him, and friended him. After that, the two began going on regular dates, all while continuing to watch the Eagles games together through the PEFOB group. “It helped build the foundation of our relationship because we would see each other regularly at the bar and in between dates,” Melanie says. “It allowed for us to get to know each other on another level.”

4. At a dance class

Frankie Y. met their girlfriend Tara at a heels dance class that they attended with a coworker last year. After Frankie’s coworker, who knew Tara from a previous class, introduced the two, Frankie was immediately interested—but wanted to play it cool and not “come off as a creep.” So they made a concerted effort to focus on the choreography. “It probably didn’t help that the song we were doing that day was ‘Guess’ by Charli XCX with Billie Eilish, because that song is very horny,” Frankie tells SELF. After class, Tara showed Frankie a pair of bedazzled boots she’d been working on and mentioned she was volunteering at a goth event later that week. “It was so over for me at that moment,” Frankie says.

Later that week, when Frankie was working at a San Diego Pride event, Tara showed up. “We got to chatting and I asked her if she would want to go on a date sometime and she said yes,” Frankie explains. The date was a success: The two made vegan wraps and brought them to the pool in Frankie’s apartment complex, then went back inside to watch Star Trek. “We’ve only been seeing each other for five months now but it’s been pretty great,” Frankie says.

5. On a hike

A few years ago, Jessie C. and a friend hiked Mount Whitney, the highest mountain in the United States. When they reached the peak they wanted to take a picture with the elevation sign, so they asked two guys around their age who, like them, just reached the summit. They parted ways soon after, but in the middle of the trek down the mountain, the guys caught up with them.

“By that point we’d been hiking for about 10 hours and welcomed some conversation with strangers,” she tells SELF. Jessie learned she had a lot in common with one of them, Stephen—they both loved to ski and travel—and, it turns out, were staying at the same motel in town. Later that night, they ran into each other and decided to hang out.

The next day, Stephen asked for Jessie’s number in the parking lot. “We ended up coordinating a time to meet up while he was in my city a week or so later, and our relationship started from there,” she says. After a year of long-distance dating, Stephen packed his bags and moved in with Jessie so he could be her forever hiking buddy.

6. By reconnecting with someone from high school

I’ll throw myself into the mix here. In 2016, about a decade after I graduated from high school, my friends saw on Instagram that a group of boys we went to high school with were in town—and my pal wanted to meet up with them. So I DM’ed one of the guys, Blake, who I was friendly-ish with as a teenager but hadn’t spoken to or seen since we graduated.

Turns out, those guys were headed to my least favorite bar in Philadelphia—a loud, smelly Irish pub that consistently filled up past capacity. I let Blake know my friends were on their way, but I was bailing and going to a (better) bar around the corner. Eventually, they realized how terrible their bar was and decided to head my way instead. Blake and I caught up and I was surprised by how well we clicked—I didn’t remember ever hitting it off like that as kids.

The next day, Blake flew back to Los Angeles where he lived. After we texted incessantly for a few months, he decided to book a trip back to Philly to see me again. That snowballed into a long-distance relationship, and now we are married and parents to a very cute Australian cattle dog mix.

Did I expect to meet someone that night? Nope. Did I want to wind up with someone from HS? Absolutely not. But I guess my story, and all these other ones, goes to show: You never know where love is lurking—like in that god-awful bar you refuse to step foot in.