Can a Trio Friendship Ever Actually Work?

They make for some of the messiest dynamics according to social media—and on “The White Lotus” too.

March 3, 2025

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They say good things come in threes, but when it comes to trio friendships? That might be up for debate.

On paper, three seems like the magic number. “It’s just big enough to get the sense of community and support from a friend group, but also small enough to stay close-knit and manageable,” Joy Harden Bradford, PhD, licensed psychologist and author of Sisterhood Heals: The Transformative Power of Healing in Community, tells SELF. Realistically, you can vent about your latest relationship crisis without getting drowned out by a roomful of voices and interruptions, for instance, and coordinate in-person hangouts without the logistical headache of organizing plans for four, five, six people.

Trios also have a solid track record in pop culture. (Who among us didn’t wish to be a part of their own Rachel, Phoebe and Monica?) But the real-world verdict is a lot more mixed. In fact, they’ve earned a controversial reputation—at least on TikTok, where the general consensus is that there’s always a stronger duo in a trio, intentional or not. This isn’t just based on personal biases or experiences with clique-ish fallouts, though: There’s actually some psychology behind why these dynamics can be uniquely hard to navigate.

At a basic level, the odd number creates an inherent imbalance, Barbie Atkinson, LPC, founder of Catalyst Counseling in Houston, tells SELF. “We have a natural tendency to seek symmetry when things feel uneven,” she explains, and trios, by design, often are. Conversations, for instance, usually flow between two people: one talking, the other responding. That leaves the third person… well, awkwardly hovering.

Decision-making can follow a similar pattern—one pal suggests a trip to Miami, the second person is all in, then the third’s input becomes more of an afterthought. Even physically, just picture yourselves in a car: Two people sit in the front, one’s stuck in the backseat and staring out the window like a forgotten extra.

This might explain why groups of three can notoriously lead to exclusion, tension, and the kind of platonic breakups that convince you to swear off trios forever. But, as Atkinson also points out, “some of the strongest, most fulfilling friendships can come in threes.” The catch? “They require a lot more intentionality, trust, and vulnerability to maintain.”

So what does that look like? Here are a few key factors that can mean the difference between a lifelong support system…and a horror story you’ll be trying to forget for years to come.

What are the secrets to a successful, drama-free trio?

1. Include everyone in group decisions—even for the small stuff.

Whether it’s choosing a brunch spot or deciding where to watch The White Lotus, making sure all three voices are heard helps prevent that dreaded “pairing off” dynamic that can quickly derail a trio.

“It’s easy to assume that if one friend is on board, the majority is already settled,” Atkinson says. The problem, though, is this mindset treats the third pal more as an afterthought, which is why a simple extra step—explicitly checking in with them anyway—can make a sweet, subtle difference. If you and Friend #1 are both down to try a wine bar on Sunday, for instance, respond in the group chat with something like, “Cool! What about you, #3? Or would you rather do a different spot?”

It might seem like a small gesture, but “this intentional act inadvertently gives each person that sense of importance and value within the trio—that feeling that everybody matters equally,” Atkinson explains.

2. Invest in the individual relationships within the trio.

According to Dr. Bradford, a trio should also consist of three separate duos. In other words, “every member should have their own relationships with each other,” she says—meaning, if one person isn’t around, the remaining two can still click without it feeling awkward or forced. Otherwise the vibe can quickly turn inauthentic and imbalanced, resembling a “friendship” out of convenience rather than genuine connection.

While this isn’t to say you should secretly pair off all the time, it’s helpful to keep in mind that just because two people are getting along doesn’t mean you should take it personally—or assume you’re the weakest link. Of course, “there still needs to be instances when the entire group is coming together,” Dr. Bradford points out. “But you should be excited to be around each person individually while still having an equally great time all together.”

So even if you and Friend #1 have been inseparable since college and Friend #3 is a newer addition from work, it’s still worth carving out your own bond. You don’t have to be equally close, but maybe #3 is your go-to for dishing celebrity gossip or finding the best hidden gem bars. The key is building separate connections that strengthen the crew as a whole—rather than relying on one person to hold it together.

3. Include everyone in group decisions—even for the small stuff.

If there’s one skill that can make or break a trio friendship, it’s communication. “Everyone needs to be open with their feelings, emotions, and needs,” Atkinson says. “And that involves addressing conflicts as a ‘we’”—which is a lot harder than it sounds. Compared to twosomes, “it’s more likely for someone to feel like the odd one out in trios, as if they’re being ganged up on or caught in the middle,” she explains.

At the same time, though, avoiding conflict isn’t the answer either: As with any relationship, unresolved tension can brew into resentment, leading to passive-aggressive behaviors or worse, side conversations with the other friend that resemble toxic shit-talking, not problem-solving (“Ugh, can you believe [insert name] did [insert mildly annoying behavior]?”).

So what does healthy communication look like in a trio? According to Atkinson, it’s about addressing small issues before they spiral. That might sound like: “To be honest, I felt left out when I wasn’t invited to drinks last week,” or, “I’ve noticed I’m usually the one reaching out first these days—just wanted to check in and make sure everything’s okay?”

On the flip side, strong communication also means listening with an open mind—without getting defensive, forming alliances, or judging your pal for expressing how they feel. These tricks, experts say, can steer the conversation away from blame or side-picking, and toward what truly matters: Keeping the friendship solid. That said, if any attempt at transparency is constantly met with defensiveness, dismissal, or gossip behind your back, your trio might not be as balanced (or healthy) as it should be, Dr. Bradford says—a whole different issue we’re about to get into.

So what if your trio friendship is falling apart?

It happens more often than you’d think. Whether two people click more, one pal starts pulling away, or all three stop putting in the effort, the dynamic can shift—intentionally or unintentionally.

In cases like these, both experts agree: You don’t have to force a friendship that’s fading, nor are you expected to, say, contribute to the group chat 24/7 like the old days. But rather than falling into cliquey behaviors or going ghost, a kinder approach to ending your threesome might include subtly bowing out of plans (perhaps by saying you’re unavailable or busy). If you prefer a slow drift, try maintaining smaller efforts—meeting up for less frequent monthly or quarterly dinners, for instance—that keep things respectful without holding onto a bond that’s run its course.

As dramatic as they play out on TV or social media, trio friendships are some of the most complicated relationships, for sure—where moments of closeness can coexist with uncomfortable tension too. But being able to distinguish when things are challenging versus straight-up unhealthy can keep you from spiraling into petty drama and sneaky backstabbing.